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I’m pretty excited about this sleep I’m about to get, guys.

I’m in a hotel room with a comfortable king-sized bed to myself. I got 1.5 hrs of sleep last night, took a couple brief catnaps today, travelled hundreds of miles by plane and car, and then walked several miles (including some steep hills, just for kicks). I took a long, hot bath and had a glass of wine.

To be honest, the bath was lukewarm. The wine was one of those that comes in what looks like an oversized juice box from the gas station. I don’t want to oversell this picture.

But I’m pretty sure this slumber will be legendary. Something that would normally require a wicked fairy’s vengeance snit.

Zzzzz. Goodnight.

Did I mention that I’m unofficially officially turning this into my dating blog? Cuz Tumblr is the only semi-anonymous place left on the internet.

Got up the nerve to send first personal email to Boy Z tonight. When I hit send his email was in my inbox - he was writing to me at the same time.

Well. That’s kind of adorable.

Running into trouble in my OKCupid quest. The root cause seems to be that I am really, honestly, deeply uncomfortable with male attention.

Here are the things I know how to do: have a polite conversation full of surface-level pleasantries. Shut down situations that involve aggressive, creepy, or deceitful approaches. Make jokes!

Here are the things I do not know how to do: respond to an okay guy without REELING FROM SHEER TERROR AND DREAD. Be playful when someone leads with an interesting opener. Flirt. Be anything but suspicious about compliments. Feel the tiniest shred of hope about planning to actually meet someone. Ask someone if they want to meet. When asked to meet, not have a mental meltdown, and not completely avoid the dating website for a few days so I can pretend I’m not being horribly rude. When asked to meet, respond at all.

Ex-wallflower by nature. I’ve become more comfortable by other forms of attention over the years by treating it more or less as constant performance art. But this is a new audience, and I don’t know my stage persona yet, and that’s not… that’s not really why I wanted to meet someone, anyway. To create another mask. That’s not where I was hoping to go with this.

Thesis: Human beings more or less evolved specifically to love Nutella.

Dating Aphorism #12

Boys with beautiful hair will break your heart.

Last day of my long, lazy vacation and I am not that sad about it. A thousand days off in a row (8) sounds nice, but is actually a little boring.

Not being work-stressed has been nice though. And I have gotten some quality pond-watching time in.

Day 6 of my vacation.

Had a coworker friend call and rant about work for over 1.5 hours, even though I tried to tactfully change the subject, then steer it into interesting/positive/empowering things, and then eventually outright said “Please could we not stress obsessively about work anymore tonight, since I’m on vacation and I don’t want to go to bed with work drama on my mind.” No dice. Now I’m stressed about work again AND optionally keyed up due to friend being an inconsiderate turd. Sigh.

That was supposed to say emotionally keyed up. Not optionally. I think I’ll leave it. Typos, autocorrects, footprints on a beach.

I’m also all burned out because I sent three messages on OKCupid today to dudes who seemed interesting. Two non-responses. One responded minimally, I said something fairly uninteresting back, convo appears to be dead.

I’m swinging wildly back and forth between reasonable:
“Whatever, no big.”
“Some people take a while to respond. YOU take a while to respond. Don’t get pushy.”
“Maybe this isn’t a great time for them, or they only date brunettes with dogs, or whatever. Don’t second-guess. Everyone gets to make their own decisions.”
“This is good experience. You can’t get better without failing a few time.”

And melodramatic:
“I’m so old! The only dudes who will be interested are bitter divorcees with two kids and baggage, and they will think I am only a SLIGHTLY better option than their crazy ex-wife.”
“Someone who looks like me can’t expect responses from attractive people.”
“I don’t have the social skills to do this and never will.”

For a vacation day where I didn’t leave the house, today sure was socially draining.

Philosophical Question Time

What is the opposite of a grilled cheese sandwich?

Sabotage

Going to bed on time during vacation is hard. There’s so much internet left!

Intermezzo

Bibbidy-bobbity-blog.

Insightful friend B told me that for an English major who writes well, I certainly take pains to hide my talents.

And then I was thinking about how much I miss having internet friends. The anonymous, wonderful weirdos who somehow become marvelously real even though I only know them as TurdyMcTurdson54.

(Paging TurdyMcTurdson54. Dr TurdyMcTurdson54 to the lobby, please.)

So maybe it’s time to start throwing things at Tumblr again. Ideas, jokes, rants, indulgent mopes, half-formed ideas, dreams, pictures of my cats wearing silly hats.

Maybe some of them will turn into friends, or ideas I can feed into my real-name blog. And some could become Life Lessons and Growth as a Person!

Also maybe some new fart jokes.